Why do I feel like crying today when I have been ok for almost 2 weeks now. I know I'm not going back and I know this is the best thing for me and him. I'm dealing with this better than i expected I would. I keep having these visions or daydreams or something that during lunch one day he will get on the mike and confesses his love for me and I will run and kiss him passionately and everything will change and we will live happily ever after. But I know that is just a dream that will never happen. He rides past me when I'm walking home in the freezing cold weather. [That's expected] He did that when i was pregnant too. IDK what to feel and i really don't know what to feel. I just wanna forget about him all together. The Valentines day celebration at school yesterday didn't help anything!! But its whatever... I'll deal.

I finally finished my poem for the poetry slam!!!
I still need to memorize it... Can u guess who its about?

My eyes swollen from the tears
Dreaming, waiting, anticipating the day you will stop hating.

I will never sell myself short.
No longer the marionette controlled by your chains
Forcing me to do your every whim.
Holding on to every word you say as if my life depended on it.

No more streams of empty promises and tomorrow.
The next day...
No the next...
Maybe we'll try next week.

No more disrespect...
Name calling...
Phone calls...
Text messages... and those two min intimate seasons you call pleasure.

No more front seat rides in the Nissan Altima 2008 22 in rims with the horn to match.
Just the 3:30 ride to daycare.

Good bye 99 cent spicy chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce.
Rides to work and home again.
Sitting outside my house will my mom text me telling me to come in NOW!!!

No more seeing your smiling face
Kisses on the four head and good night wishes.

I fight for your love and struggle to keep mine alive.
You push me away constantly saying our love never meant anything.
"Go ahead and have your parties" I said
"I'll be waiting... Call me when you get home."
2:47am Missed call... Baby Daddy.

Forgive me for all my wrong doings and my endless battle for perfection. The white house with the blue shutters and the porch wrapped all the way around ain't for me.

Some of this is on me but most of it was your jealousy.
The fact that you couldn't get over it and just move on.

Bye...

I think you like her and I don't care if she is your best friends girl or not. You are constantly asking about her textin her more than me. Lookin up this girls files in school just cause your an office aid. Every morning your late to 2nd period even though you have 1st off and she has to take you there so your not counted tarty. Tellin her everything u feel when you tell me nothing!!! Your telling her not to talk to me!!! 4 what???????? Have you lost your mind!!!??? This girl was there when you were fuckin some other girl and now she is still here when we are tryin to be together? I think not. I was trying to be her friend cause u told me to but now that I think about it y would u ask me to be her friend in the first place when she is best friends with the girl you fucked when I wasn't around. This girl fucked ur friends and swallowed their cum!! And you think I'm just suppose to get over that. U knew this b4 you fucked her and you still did it just cause I talked to an old friend that has never been more than a friend all the years I have known him. All guys are not horn balls like you! Some have class and character. I'm still dealing with the fact that you did that today even though it happened in the summer of 2009.
Ur goin to Sadie's with someone else. You laugh in my face when I ask u and start an argument. Then after school you wanna fuck???!! U thought I moved on when I tell you everyday that I love you and would rather die then be with anyone else in this whole world but yet u fuck other chicks and go to dances with them. I used to think you were just trying to replace me with someone else but now i see you never loved me in the first place. I thought you were the one I thought u really loved me and I thought I was the one for u. Guess not...